Swine flu. Run for my life!
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
