I could make wine with my vomit
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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