I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Why is your signature on my underwear?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
