Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
