there's paper in my vomit.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
