Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize