That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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