I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
