remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
