He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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