miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
