I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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