Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
