is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize