he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
