there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
