In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
