So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
