my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
thus making me awesome and them whores
She announced her abortion via fbk
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
There's always time for handjobs
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
