he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
