he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I have post one night stand depression
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
