I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
