So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
