OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
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