he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
should my penis look like a turkey
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
3pm strippers are depressing
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
