D3 body, D1 cock
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize