I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
