So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
