But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Randomize