just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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