don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
