I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
