I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize