i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
