you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
