Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
