I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
