Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
