I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize