So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
