fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
