i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
