god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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