No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
