my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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