does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
