i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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