Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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