what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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