She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
