I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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