i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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