I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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