Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
