a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I checked into jail on foursquare
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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