White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Randomize