Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
