i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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