Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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