i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
it's great music for shaving your balls
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
