i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Randomize
