im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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