Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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