chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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