Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
