Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
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