He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
