Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I will pee on everything he values.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
