oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
