She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
