where am i from again
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
