im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
