covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize