By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
