So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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