thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
