I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I deserve this hangover.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
